I nodded, smiled encouraging and said nothing. It felt like ages. Awkward. So quiet. I could hear my heart beating. And then she spoke.…”
These are the words of Idris (not his real name), my client, as he shares an update since our last coaching session. Like many people, he finds silence uncomfortable.
His tendency to dominate conversations and spearhead discussions has led him to question why his team doesn’t offer their own insights readily.
Determined to refine his approach, Idris embarked on a journey to enhance his listening skills, aiming to speak less and adopt more of a coaching approach in his conversations.
Listen to silence. It has so much to say (Rumi)
Silence, often overlooked, holds immense power. It helps to cut out the noise, slow the mind and enables us to be present and connected with the flow of energy around us.
Leaders who master the art of creating silent moments can exude calm and confidence, fostering deeper connections with those around them.
Some practical tips to incorporate silence into your conversations:
o Listen with care: Taking the time to listen demonstrates that the voice, perspectives, ideas of the other person, matter. It signals that you value what is being said, resulting in better rapport, trust and hence relationship.
o Be intentional: When you are listening with intent, you are conveying that at this moment in time, the other person is important. This powerful message conveys empathy, respect, and empowerment, encouraging them to express themselves more freely.
o Show your presence: Be fully present and attentive, avoiding distractions and focusing on the person’s words, tone, and body language.
o Use open ended questions: Invite deeper reflection and discussion by asking open-ended questions instead of closed-ended ones that elicit a simple “yes” or “no” response.
o Resist the urge to fill the silence / interrupting: This gives the person the time to think and signals that you have the time to give. Silence offers the opportunity to process information, make connections, find new patterns… allowing room for new insights and discoveries to emerge naturally.
o Encourage reflection and feedback: Create opportunities for reflection and feedback within your team, allowing time for silence to encourage thoughtful consideration before discussion.
o Lead by example: Demonstrate the value of silence in your communication style by practicing active listening, asking open-ended questions, and giving others space to express themselves without interruption.
o Create a listening culture: Foster a culture where silence is valued as much as speaking, encouraging active listening, respect for others’ perspectives, and inclusive communication.
o Seek feedback and adapt: Regularly seek feedback from team members on your communication style, remaining open to suggestions for improvement and adapting your approach accordingly to create a more inclusive and productive work environment.
By incorporating these practical tips into your leadership approach, you can further enhance your ability to leverage the power of silence in communication and foster meaningful connections within your teams.
The quieter you become the more you are able to hear (Rumi)
If you would like to deepen your perspective, sharing some of my favourite books on silence:
- Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise by Buddhist Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh who explains how mindfulness can reduce the noise from within.
- Reflections on a Mountain Lake is by Buddhist Tenzin Palmo who lived in complete silence for 3 years.
- Pilgrim at Tinker Creek is about Annie Dillard’s solitude life in Virginia and her observations of the nature, flora and fauna
- Mountains of the Mind, is by ex- mountain climber Robert Macfarlane’s relationship with the mountains
- Silence: In the Age of Noise is by explorer, Erling Kagge who reached the North pole, South pole and the summit of Everest and experienced extreme periods of silence
☎️Get in touch if Idris’ story resonates. Let’s refine your leadership and communication skills, integrate a coaching approach into your leadership style, and elevate your team dynamics, collaboration, and effectiveness.
V
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